I feel like I will have nothing.
Everything I thought I had set up and “kept secret” has gone to waste.
It all means nothing. He still has her, but to me he says she’s crazy, and doesn’t know why she is so obsessed with him. I would hate to know the things he says about me to her.
About how I am so desperate and would do anything for him.
About how young and naive I am.
About how stupid and infatuated I am with him.
I am pathetic.
I would do anything for him. He would be right.
I just don’t know why I’m like that.
I don’t know what it is about him, or what he does to make me act or think the way I now do. All I know is that it needs to stop. I can’t keep living a lie, that used to make perfect sense in my head.
I AM unhappy. I have no one.
I need to be with someone, I need to be able to joke, influence and truly talk to someone.
I am so lonely it actually hurts me.
When I talk to people, I am only half engaged. I know what I want to talk about, and I can’t. I can’t tell anyone.
I just want to know why it’s gone on as long as it has.
Why have I fallen for every one of his flaws?
Why does he keep giving me reasons to give him another chance?
Is it my own twisted mind that plots up thoughts of us being together? If he knows I want to be more than friends how come he keeps maintaining what we have?
How long will this go on for?
How long has he known?
I know I can’t handle it much longer and I will tell him everything.
A huge weight will be lifted off me and I will be empty.
What we have now means everything to me. More than my stupid emotions.
I just want truth.
I want to know how long he has known and why he keeps acting the way he does, when he knows I love it, but I can’t get anything from it.
When he knows I will never have him.

uvegotkelly:

30 Day Challenge!

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.
Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
Day 8 – A song to match your mood.
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of our favorite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of youself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

Day 1- 

Me at about age 6, first loose tooth, and finding every opportunity to be in front of the camera, to show off my coming-of-age-ness.
My day was boring, and i ate too much again, and now i’ve got the house to myself until next monday.
Hello movie marathons and tv repeats all weekend (while not changing from my pajamas at any stage)